


Choke

by Ryuz



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Multi, Tagging as I go, Texting, The chat fic no one wanted, probably no plot, svt are gay and also done with life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-06-12 15:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15343107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuz/pseuds/Ryuz
Summary: angel:greetings childrentreegyu:why are we here whatangel:i mean i need some kinda way to keep track of my childrennot smallhas left the conversationthedabaddednot smallto the conversationthedab:suffer with us bitchnot small:i want to dieIn which Jeonghan decided that a group chat with all of his children would be a good idea.Spoiler: It was not.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see where this goes.
> 
> Just a heads up in case people didn't read the tags: There will be cursing and inappropriate humor!
> 
> Other than that, enjoy! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names, in case anyone is confused:
> 
> Seungcheol - scoops  
> Jeonghan - angel  
> Jisoo - sunday morning  
> Junhui - visual god  
> Soonyoung - ten hour ten minute  
> Wonwoo - glasses  
> Jihoon - not small  
> Minghao - thedab  
> Mingyu - treegyu  
> Seokmin - smile man  
> Seungkwan - boo bitches  
> Hansol - hvc aka vernon  
> Chan - channie

[2018-07-23, 03:42 AM]

 

 **_angel_ ** _created a new conversation_

 **_angel_ ** _added_ **_scoops_ ** _,_ **_sunday morning_ ** _and_ **_10_ ** _others to the conversation_

 **_angel_ ** _changed the name of the conversation to_ **_husbands and their childs_ **

**angel:** greetings children

 **treegyu:** why are we here what

 **angel:** i mean i need some kinda way to keep track of my children

 **_not small_ ** _has left the conversation_

 **_thedab_ ** _added_ **_not small_ ** _to the conversation_

 **thedab:** suffer with us bitch

 **not small:** i want to die

 **ten hour ten minute:** i mean i get the group chat and all

 **ten hour ten minute:** but did you have to create it at ass o clock in the morning

 **ten hour ten minute:** i was sleeping all cuddled up with my boyfriend

 **glasses:** someone shut him up

 **ten hour ten minute:** and you ruined that by waking us up

 **ten hour ten minute:** and now seokmin left to get a glass of milk or something

 **ten hour ten minute:** and im cold and lonely

 **angel:** ...are you done

 **ten hour ten minute:** yes

 **scoops:** hannie i love you but i have a test tomorrow and im not gonna pass if i fall asleep in the middle of it

 **visual god:** lol im not paying for the funeral

 **boo bitches:** did

 **boo bitches:** did he just type lol unironically

 **thedab:** dont be too harsh on him hes barely awake

 **thedab:** but yes he did and im never letting him live this down

 **boo bitches:** against your own boyfriend….. thats cruel

 **boo bitches:** id do the same

 **ten hour ten minute:** this is why seokmin is the superior boyfriend yall

 **hvc aka vernon:** the light of my phone screen is burning my eyeballs

 **hvc aka vernon:** im a creature of darkness i might die from this

 **angel:** son i love you

 **sunday morning:** Hannie no

 **angel:** but youre literally the purest thing

 **angel:** next to chan

 **angel:** and seokmin

 **hvc aka vernon:** i feel the love

 **scoops:** i would say something about favoritism like a good dad should

 **scoops:** but i mean

 **scoops:** its chan and seokmin

 **scoops:** sorry hansollie

 **hvc aka vernon:** wow when you put it that way i dont even feel insulted anymore

 **smile man:** i saw my name?

 **ten hour ten minute:** SEOKMINNIE WHERE ARE YOU I FEEL LONELY

 **thedab:** yikes

 **thedab:** caps and all

 **smile man:** sorry soonie ill be right there!  <3

 **treegyu:** why can’t wonwoo be nice to me like that

 **glasses:** dont ask for the impossible

 **visual god:** thats actually so cute how the actual fuck do they manage this

 **boo bitches:** i feel soft

 **boo bitches:** because of one (1) text message

 **ten hour ten minute:** im snuggling my boyfriend and going back to sleep bye

 **sunday morning:** Speaking of sleep, you should all be doing just that. Do you realize what time it is?

 **hvc aka vernon:** josh have mercy on us we’re teenagers

 **visual god:** i dont even need slewlskehkdjfa

 **thedab:** in case youre wondering jun fell asleep while typing

 **not small:** youre all idiots im going back to sleep

 **not small:** and i hope i dont wake up in the morning

 **channie:** whats upklsadjfaw

 **channie:** i mean whats up

 **channie:** is this a new group chat

 **angel:** ah yes, my favorite son, greetings

 **channie:** im not your son though

 **channie:** you didnt give birth to me or anything

 **angel:** tHe BeTrAyAl

 **angel:** how dare you speak this way to your own mother

 **treegyu:** this is so sad alexa play despacito

 **thedab:** ASKJDFHASLDKFJ

 **hvc aka vernon:** IM WHEEZIN G

 **glasses:** we’re breaking up

 **treegyu:** NO WAIT IM SORRY PLS LOVE ME

 **angel:** also why are you not asleep young man

 **channie:** the group chat woke me up and i dont feel like going back to sleep

 **angel:** am i doing something wrong as his mother

 **angel:** is this one of his rebellious streaks?

 **angel:** what if he grows up to become a drug dealer hanging out in alleys and robbing grandmhawfdisjnxc

 **scoops:** sorry about that

 **sunday morning:** We took his phone from him and Seungcheol is currently forcing him to go to bed.

 **thedab:** i didnt know miracles existed until now

 **glasses:** someone go make the fetus go back to sleep now

 **channie:** whos the fetus

 **channie:** wait dont answer that nevermind

 **scoops:** i hsbe ti go hanmue ua fohhribg

 **boo bitches:** english please

 **scoops:** josio

 **sunday morning:** “I have to go Hannie is fighting”

 **hvc aka vernon:** J O S I O

 **thedab:** MY LUN G S

 **sunday morning:** I think Seungcheol needs my help with this, so I’ll be going too.

 **sunday morning:** Good night everyone!

 **channie:** okay i suddenly feel tired again so im also gonna sleep

 **channie:** but im not a child okay

 **glasses:** goodnight fetus

 **channie:** why do i even try

 **treegyu:** hyung i want cuddles

 **glasses:** …

 **glasses:** fine im on my way

 **glasses:** itll probably take me an hour though, just saying

 **treegyu:** hyung youre literally in the next room

 **glasses:** do you want your cuddles or not

 **thedab:** yikes

 **treegyu:** ...yes

 **glasses:** then shut up about the details

 **treegyu:** ...fine

 **thedab:** jun is tugging at my pajamas sleeve in his sleep

 **thedab:** im gonna choke from his deadly cuddles tonight

 **thedab:** this is how i go

 **hvc aka vernon:** somehow i imagined hao going in a more

 **hvc aka vernon:** exciting way

 **boo bitch:** choking to death by cuddles doesnt seem like a minghao thing

 **boo bitch:** what is this world coming to

 **hvc aka vernon:** the only thing i know for sure is my wish to die

 **hvc aka vernon:** kwannie dont you have a test tomorrow too

 **boo bitch:** i was living in unknowing bliss until now

 **boo bitch:** dragged back to reality without my consent

 **boo bitch:** i have been betrayed

 **hvc aka vernon:** youre gonna fail and im gonna sit over here laughing

 **boo bitch:** choke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is only the prologue, it's quite short. Don't worry, they'll get longer later on!


	2. mother senses are tingling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soonyoung is whipped for seokmin, jeonghan babies his children like a true mom and minghao plots murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update came faster than I thought whoa  
> It's also utter trash, but I hope you enjoy reading it anyway!

**[husbands and their childs]**

[2018-07-23, 08:37 AM]

 

**boo bitches:** okay so my test was cancelled whats good

**scoops:** hey seungkwan wanna switch classes

**boo bitches:** i just got away from a test im not gonna dive right into another one

**scoops:** fuck

**angel:** you shouldve studied and then slept in time yesterday cheol

**angel:** then you wouldnt be dead now

**treegyu:** is

**treegyu:** is someone gonna tell him that was his fault

**scoops:** no we keep quiet unless we want to suffer

**treegyu:** oh ok

**angel:** i heard that you snakes

**glasses:** someone tell him that you cant hear text messages

**scoops:** hannie you cant hear text messages

**angel:** cheollie

**scoops:** whoa look at the time i have a test to take goodbye

**ten hour ten minute:** lets all pray a little extra for cheollie hyung today

**hvc aka vernon:** didnt he say his test was in the afternoon

**thedab:** unintended exposing

**angel:** children

**angel:** it seems i have some urgent business to take care of

**angel:** behave while im gone

**boo bitches:** oh minghao survived

**thedab:** youre damn right i fucking did

**thedab:** i had to push jun off the bed

**thedab:** but the strong shall survive

**visual god:** and i was wondering why i woke up on the floor today

**visual god:** haohao youre so mean ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

**smile man:** good morning! ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

**glasses:** suddenly my mood has improved

**hvc aka vernon:** i feel like nothing can ruin my day anymore

**visual god:** where do i acquire a seokmin

**ten hour ten minute:** back off hoes

**treegyu:** jisoo hyung shouldnt you go calm jeonghan hyung down

**thedab:** unless we want cheol to die

**thedab:** thats also an option

**treegyu:** H A O

**not small:** i agree with minghao

**treegyu:** nOT YOU TOO ASKDJFH

**boo bitches:** damn hao is on a savage streak today

**sunday morning:** I guess I should

**sunday morning:** Sometimes I wonder why I know those two

**hvc aka vernon:** ah yes, love

**sunday morning:** I’ll see you later then!

**channie:** and im the youngest

**glasses:** yes you are

**thedab:** an actual fetus

**ten hour ten minute:** so tiny

**visual god:** a little baby

**_thedab_ ** _ has changed  _ **_channie_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_actual fetus_ **

**actual fetus:** why do i suffer

**smile man:** i think the name is kind of cute though!

**actual fetus:** wow i love my new nickname

**smile man:** oh and i found this picture of jihoon

**smile man:**

**smile man:** he looks so small and cute! (●♡∀♡)

**_not small_ ** _ has changed their nickname to _ **_small and cute_ **

**boo bitches:** the power of seokmin

**ten hour ten minute:** everyone is whipped for my bf

**ten hour ten minute:** should i feel threatened

**smile man:** youre the only one for me soonie (●⌒ｖ⌒●)

**ten hour ten minute:** it feels great to be alive

**hvc aka vernon:** i want love like that

**glasses:** this is unusual

**glasses:** i actually feel soft and mushy

**boo bitches:** let me repeat

**boo bitches:** the power of seokmin

**glasses:** mingyu did your class start yet?

**treegyu:** ???

**treegyu:** no i have another 30 minutes

**glasses:** come to the library i want cuddles

**treegyu:** brb sprinting

**ten hour ten minute:** wow seokmin i love you

**ten hour ten minute:** please date me

**small and cute:** im surrounded by idiots

**visual god:** soonyoung are you ok

**actual fetus:** did you hit your head

**hvc aka vernon:** do we need to call an ambulance again

**boo bitches:** hansol do you want a repeat of last year

**hvc aka vernon:** you have a very good point

**smile man:** aw i love you too soonie (´•ω•｀♥)

**boo bitches:** soonyoung hyung youre already dating him

**ten hour ten minute:** i cant believe how beautiful life is

**actual fetus:** im almost afraid to ask but

**actual fetus:** what happened last year

**small and cute:** soonyoung was laying on the floor crying hysterically and hansol panicked and called an ambulance

**small and cute:** when they arrived it turned out soonyoung had just seen a new twitter update from shinee

**small and cute:** the ambulance people were pissed

**thedab:** W H EEZ IN G

**hvc aka vernon:** HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WAS NORMAL

**boo bitches:** it happens all the time hansollie

**ten hour ten minute:** in my defense that selca was a gift from the heavens

**actual fetus:** hyung

**thedab:** i can feel the disappointment from just the text message

**hvc aka vernon:** this is how much our language has evolved

**hvc aka vernon:** shit my teacher saw me on my phone gotta blast

**smile man:** my class is starting too

**smile man:** soonie are we still eating lunch together?

**ten hour ten minute:** of course seokminnie

**ten hour ten minute:** ill come get you in your classroom when break starts

**smile man:** okay! ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

**visual god:** haohao were also eating lunch together right?

**thedab:** ew no

**visual god:** so mean (´；ω；`)

**visual god:** why dont you love me anymore haohao

**thedab:** fine ill eat lunch with you

**thedab:** youre lucky i love you

**visual god:** (๑˃̵ ᴗ ˂̵)و

 

[2018-07-23, 12:10 PM]

 

**sunday morning:** Update on the situation: Jeonghan and Seungcheol are both still alive and well.

**hvc aka vernon:** this calls for a celebration

**actual fetus:** i actually thought cheol hyung would die today

**small and cute:** me too

**small and cute:** too bad he didnt

**treegyu:** good job jisoo hyung

**treegyu:** like really

**glasses:** my respect for you has risen

**glasses:** im impressed

**smile man:** im happy theyre both okay! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

**sunday morning:** You learn how to handle them after a while of dating them both.

**boo bitches:** jesus exists and is a korean man named hong jisoo

**ten hour ten minute:** jisoos

**treegyu:** J I S O O S

**_hvc aka vernon_ ** _ has changed  _ **_sunday morning_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_jisoos_ **

**boo bitches:** IM CHOK ING

**treegyu:** suddenly i am religious

**actual fetus:** me too im gonna start praying everyday

**ten hour ten minute:** yknow i would spend time on religious shit

**ten hour ten minute:** but its hard when youre busy with either procrastination or cuddling with your bf

**boo bitches:** thats so pure im soft

**ten hour ten minute:** or fuck

**ten hour ten minute:** that happens too

**smile man:** yep! 

**glasses:** less pure

**boo bitches:** i take back my previous statement

**treegyu:** seokmin maybe you shouldnt sound so casual while talking about fucking your bf

**treegyu:** in a group chat

**smile man:** is there something wrong..?

**glasses:** hes so pure but also so tainted at the same time

**small and cute:** i blame soonyoung

**ten hour ten minute:** rude

**ten hour ten minute:** hey speaking of that seokkie are you free tonight

**actual fetus:** i dont like where this is going

**smile man:** yeah why

**ten hour ten minute:** im alone in the apartment tonight wanna come over

**smile man:** oh sure! (❁´◡`❁)

**small and cute:** i need bleach for my eyes

**small and cute:** and my mind

**boo bitches:** save some for me jihoon hyung

**angel:** my mother senses are tingling

**angel:** which one of my children is sinning

**treegyu:** how the shit does he do that

**angel:** a mothers instinct

**angel:** they are very accurate

**scoops:** actually he just read that on shuas phone

**angel:** cheollie we talked about this

**scoops:** habit sorry

**angel:** anyway 

**angel:** my children are openly discussing about fucking

**angel:** i am both proud and horrified

**scoops:** horrified

**scoops:** you should go with horrified

**small and cute:** why am i in this group chat

**actual fetus:** why dont you leave then hyung

**actual fetus:** no one would blame you

**small and cute:** last time i tried i got added back instantly by minghao

**small and cute:** i hate you all

**boo bitches:** speaking of minghao

**boo bitches:** wheres him and jun hyung anyway

**hvc aka vernon:** without haos savage commentary it feels so

**hvc aka vernon:** empty

**treegyu:** yeah true

**angel:** theyre probably sucking each others tongues in some corner

**jisoos:** Suddenly I understand where they get it from.

**ten hour ten minute:** see i told you it wasnt my fault

**smile man:** soonyoungie are you coming over soon?

**smile man:** class just ended a few minutes ago so lets go eat lunch! (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

**ten hour ten minute:** well my bf is calling

**ten hour ten minute:** gotta blast

**boo bitches:** hes so whipped for seokmin i still cant get used to it no matter how many times i see it

**hvc aka vernon:** i know what you mean like

**hvc aka vernon:** soonyoung hyung usually listens to no one

**hvc aka vernon:** but then seokmin just utters one single word

**hvc aka vernon:** and he just drops everything

**treegyu:** truly a mysterious phenomenon

**glasses:** im surprised you can even spell ‘phenomenon’

**treegyu:** WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME

 

[2018-07-23, 14:21 PM]

 

**treegyu:** so seokmin and i are pretty sure hao is plotting murder right now

**smile man:** its true actually

**smile man:** if looks could kill i think we’d all be dead now

**jisoos:** What happened?

**angel:** do i need to call an emergency family meeting

**scoops:** no

**jisoos:** no

**small and cute:** no

**angel:** fine better spill the tea then

**smile man:** but the thing is

**smile man:** we dont know why

**treegyu:** he just walked out of the classroom with this look on his face

**treegyu:** you know The Look TM

**hvc aka vernon:** i pray for whoever got hao angry

**hvc aka vernon:** hes gonna go all kung fu on their ass

**actual fetus:** i firmly believe that was the reason he learned martial arts in the first place

**actual fetus:** to kick peoples asses when he got angry

**boo bitches:** i mean i would do the same

**ten hour ten minute:** yeah same

**treegyu:** arent you already black belt in taekwondo

**ten hour ten minute:** damn right i am

**treegyu:** oh

**glasses:** back to the topic

**glasses:** hao was gonna kill someone

**angel:** he better clean up after himself then

**angel:** im not doing it at least

**scoops:** thats not the point hannie

**small and cute:** if he wants to kill someone let him

**small and cute:** like why not

**jisoos:** Jihoon

**small and cute:** what else do you want me to say

**smile man:** so if no one here knows

**smile man:** why not ask jun hyung

**visual god:** i was mentioned

**boo bitches:** i would be slightly worried about that perfect timing

**boo bitches:** but we have more pressing matters

**angel:** did you do something to hao

**visual god:** what

**visual god:** i would never do anything against my haohao! ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

**glasses:** i believe him

**glasses:** hes too whipped

**ten hour ten minute:** TR U E

**scoops:** okay so if it wasnt jun

**scoops:** who was it

**visual god:** oh you mean why haohao is angry?

**small and cute:** yes what else

**visual god:** he was so cute when he got angry! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

**actual fetus:** hyung can you not

**actual fetus:** were trying to prevent a murder from happening

**small and cute:** speak for yourself

**treegyu:** HYUNG

**visual god:** well

**visual god:** see a guy started hitting on me during lunch while haohao was right next to me

**visual god:** i mean i cant help it since im so handsome right

**glasses:** get to the point

**visual god:** i just nicely told the guy that haohao was my cute boyfriend

**visual god:** but he didnt listen and just glared at haohao and kept hitting on me

**visual god:** so haohao got pissed and kissed me in front of him

**visual god:** and he finally left after that

**boo bitches:** so shouldnt the problem be solved

**scoops:** yeah i mean why would he be so pissed hours later

**visual god:** i mean it didn’t end there

**hvc aka vernon:** well fuck

**visual god:** the same guy tried to hit on me again after lunch when haohao had gone back to his classroom

**visual god:** and i guess he heard about that

**angel:** i fully support my son in his mission to kill

**jisoos:** Hannie that’s not what you’re supposed to do.

**angel:** shh babe

**ten hour ten minute:** where is hao now i wanna watch him kick ass

**boo bitches:** same im going with you

**thedab:** too late

**angel:** SON HOW DID IT GO

**thedab:** hes not gonna bother junnie hyung anymore :)))

**visual god:** aww haohao i love you! (♥ω♥*)

**visual god:** youre the only one for me~ (≚ᄌ≚)ℒℴѵℯ♥

**thedab:** im coming over now so lets go home already

**visual god:** okay~!

**ten hour ten minute:** im so proud i might cry

**smile man:** would you do that for me too soonie? 

**ten hour ten minute:** fuck yes i would

**ten hour ten minute:** youre mine

**smile man:** awww! (●⌒ｖ⌒●) ♥

**small and cute:** ew love

**hvc aka vernon:** holy fuck im so proud of myself

**scoops:** whats with these children today

**hvc aka vernon:** so i was just on my way to work when i saw this

**hvc aka vernon:**

**boo bitches:** THE SOFTEST

**treegyu:** why is the picture so blurry

**ten hour ten minute:** yeah i wanted to save it

**hvc aka vernon:** i was trying not to get seen

**hvc aka vernon:** i risked my life to take that one (1) picture

**smile man:** thats so cute! o(≧∇≦o)

**smile man:** anyway im headed to soonie now

**smile man:** see you!

**angel:** my children are getting along again

**angel:** my motherly heart can finally find peace

**actual fetus:** were still not your children though hyung

**glasses:** dont

**glasses:** its jeonghan hyung

**glasses:** he wont listen

**angel:** channie dear we have been over this

**angel:** you cant just say that to your mother

**jisoos:** Hannie please.

**angel:** i birthed you all and raised you

**actual fetus:** no you didnt

**scoops:** so hannie just fainted

**boo bitches:** the fetus is slowly growing up to become savage like the rest of the family

**hvc aka vernon:** beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should try come up with some kind of plot to this story but like effort.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments I've gotten so far, they really make me motivated to continue this fic lol


	3. the ultimate roast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hansol gets his ass kicked for his efforts, mingyu is mercilessly roasted and minghao is just as savage as always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I was working on this, and then I was away a lot, and then I had writer's block and forgot it and now I'm finally here again--
> 
> Ahem, I hope this will be worth the wait. Enjoy!

**[husbands and their childs]**

[2018-07-25, 12:53 PM]

 

**thedab:** hansol we need to talk

**smile man:** i’m guessing that hao saw the picture

**ten hour ten minute:** asses are getting kicked

**ten hour ten minute:** hao where you at

**ten hour ten minute:** i wanna watch this time

**jisoos:** I think that might be a bad idea Soonyoung

**treegyu:** true

**glasses:** but then again all of his ideas are bad

**ten hour ten minute:** i’m hurt

**hvc aka vernon:** wait wha

**scoops:** son

**scoops:** you might wanna run

**angel:** yeah hao is coming for your ass

**hvc aka vernon:** WHAT DID I DO

**small and cute:** that picture you risked your life to take

**small and cute:** and that you posted in this chat

**small and cute:** so minghao could see it

**hvc aka vernon:** mistakes were made

**hvc aka vernon:** brb running for my life

**visual god:** oh but i like that picture hansollie

**visual god:** send it to me please

**thedab:** jun

**visual god:** haohao please

**boo bitches:** so hansol just ran through our classroom

**boo bitches:** it was hilarious tbh

**treegyu:** did you record it

**boo bitches:** i’m in class are you stupid

**boo bitches:** of course i did

**ten hour ten minute:** sEND

**angel:** it’s going straight to the family album

**actual fetus:** rip hansol hyung

**actual fetus:** i saw hao hyung looking for him

**jisoos:** Why am I not surprised

**scoops:** you’re used to our bullshit by now jisoo

**jisoos:** Seems like it

**smile man:** but we love you joshua hyung (❁´◡`❁)

**glasses:** i don’t want to destroy this moment but i think hansol’s ass is thoroughly kicked

**ten hour ten minute:** yeah it happened close to our classroom

**ten hour ten minute:** it was awesome

**glasses:** soonyoung

**ten hour ten minute:** what

**visual god:** thanks for the picture hansollieeeeeeee

**thedab:** business taken care of

**hvc aka vernon:** i barely survived

**actual fetus:** too bad

**angel:** cHANniE

**small and cute:** you have learned well

**scoops:** jihoon please

**small and cute:** no

**jisoos:** Anyway, isn’t class starting for you guys?

**ten hour ten minute:** no

**smile man:** yes

**ten hour ten minute:** maybe

**angel:** get your asses to class children

**boo bitches:** fuck

**boo bitches:** why did you expose us seok

**smile man:** oh, sorry!

**boo bitches:** apology accepted seokmin i love you

**ten hour ten minute:** bACK OFF

**hvc aka vernon:** do i get to skip class since i was killed

**scoops:** no

**hvc aka vernon:** ait

**thedab:** it was a good try

 

[2018-07-25, 5:14 PM]

 

**ten hour ten minute:** so seokmin and i just witnessed a murder

**hvc aka vernon:** w haT

**small and cute:** was it seungcheol

**scoops:** sorry to disappoint you jihoonie

**small and cute:** fuck

**angel:** spill the tea son

**smile man:** see, we saw seungkwan and mingyu at the mall just now

**glasses:** wait back up

**glasses:** why the fuck were you at the mall

**ten hour ten minute:** is that important to know right now wonwoo

**ten hour ten minute:** we have much more important matters to address

**glasses:** soonyoung

**glasses:** we have a test tomorrow

**ten hour ten minute:** shit

**thedab:** okay so hyung is gonna fail a test what else is new

**thedab:** spill

**ten hour ten minute:** y’know i would take offense

**ten hour ten minute:** but hao is right

**visual god:** get to the point

**smile man:** okay so mingyu was showing kwannie a hat he really liked

**smile man:** because he thought it would look good on kwannie

**angel:** sorry to interrupt but anything would look good on my son

**hvc aka vernon:** i mean true

**ten hour ten minute:** okay back to the point mingyu looked so damn proud

**ten hour ten minute:** and seungkwan just

**ten hour ten minute:** flat out shut it down and called him stupid

**ten hour ten minute:** but like i gotta agree because that hat was ugly as fuck

**thedab:** oof

**small and cute:** well look at that

**small and cute:** finally i’m not the only one who sees it

**scoops:** O O F

**hvc aka vernon:** poor mingyu he’s getting roasted

**hvc aka vernon:** and he’s not even here to see it himself

**actual fetus:** the ultimate roast

**visual god:** i want to point out how bad that sounded

**visual god:** but channie where the fuck did you pop up from

**hvc aka vernon:** is it bad i read pop as poop

**glasses:** yes it is hansol

**actual fetus:** uh i’ve been reading the chat

**actual fetus:** just not typing because i was eating ice cream

**scoops:** and not sharing?

**scoops:** i’m hurt

**actual fetus:** sorry dad, next time

**glasses:** okay so mingyu isn’t that important

**glasses:** where is shua hyung though

**hvc aka vernon:** against your own boyfriend

**thedab:** yikes

**thedab:** but yes i agree, chat seems empty without hyung’s holy presence

**angel:** oh, jisoo is working his shift at the cafe

**scoops:** didn’t you also have work hannie

**angel:** i do

**angel:** but i sensed tea

**visual god:** how good are his tea senses

**ten hour ten minute:** i have nothing but respect for those senses

**small and cute:** more importantly

**small and cute:** jeonghan you should be working

**angel:** jihoon

**small and cute:** what

**angel:** j i h o o n

**small and cute:** jeonghan HYUNG

**angel:** better

**visual god:** i’m speechless

**hvc aka vernon:** wow

**hvc aka vernon:** i feel sorry for josh

**thedab:** take care of yourself first vernon your shift started 9 minutes ago

**hvc aka vernon:** no it didn’t

**hvc aka vernon:** wait yes it did fuck

**thedab:** i am currently rolling my eyes but you can’t see it over text

**hvc aka vernon:** how did you

**ten hour ten minute:** hao probably has everyone’s schedules saved

**ten hour ten minute:** y’know, just in case he needs to murder us or something

**thedab:** i’m not disagreeing

**smile man:** that is mildly terrifying

**smile man:** but i also have immense respect for it (；゜○゜)ア

**scoops:** wait since when does hansol work

**glasses:** he got a job at that shady store across the street last week

**visual god:** so i just saw hansol running past in a panic

**small and cute:** he better be running

**small and cute:** if he gets fired from this job i’m going to have to talk to him

**scoops:** lowkey caring for his dongsaeng: lee jihoon

**small and cute:** shUT

**ten hour ten minute:** so cute jihoonie

**small and cute:** chan

**actual fetus:** yes?

**small and cute:** get me my guitar

**actual fetus:** oh shit okay

**ten hour ten minute:** b ET RAya L

**actual fetus:** i can’t say no to jihoon hyung if i don’t want to die

**actual fetus:** isn’t that obvious

**smile man:** don’t worry soonie i’ll make sure you get a proper burial

**smile man:** ( ´ ▽ ` )b

**ten hour ten minute:** thank you seokminnie i can now accept my death

**angel:** okay so wait let’s back the fucc up

**angel:** did channie just call cheol dad

**thedab:** yes

**angel:** but he refuses to call me mom

**angel:** what is this unfaithfulness

**angel:** my heart is shattered

**small and cute:** what heart

**ten hour ten minute:** OOF

**angel:** you’re not helping jihoonie

**small and cute:** good

**thedab:** jun pay up

**visual god:** fuck

**thedab:** i told you but you didn’t believe me

**visual god:** but like

**visual god:** i thought hyung would at least try to deny it

**thedab:** jeonghan hyung is fully aware that he doesn’t have a heart

**visual god:** shit u right

**angel:** okay so ignoring the fact that you were betting on me you snakes

**angel:** can we go back to the problem at hand

**angel:** channie why don’t you call me mom

**actual fetus:** uh

**actual fetus:** because you’re not my mom hyung we’ve been over this

**smile man:** hyung maybe you should give up

 

[2018-07-25, 8:53 PM]

 

**treegyu:** why was i roasted

**treegyu:** i wasn’t even here

**thedab:** you’re just too easy of a target gyu

**treegyu:** i hate you all

**Author's Note:**

> Uh hello.  
> I have no idea what I'm doing, honestly. I get inspiration from my own group chats and also other chat fics, and I just write that down here in an attempt to be funny. Yes.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed anyway, kudos and comments are always appreciated!


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